Grasping your right boob while your friend points at a wall behind him



a boy made my twitter icon into a meme for me this is so romantic i might die a little

update a boy made me into a meme then asked me out this is so sunglasses emoji





the girld idnt even question it ic ant breathe 


I’ve made a mistake


I’ve made a mistake

a boy made my twitter icon into a meme for me this is so romantic i might die a little

  • me talking to little kids: oh hey man wow I like your shoes they light up! No way I wish I had some like that, I bet they make you run so fast!!
  • me talking to older people: I'm not really sure what it is I want to do with my life, but I figure that as long as I'm happy it can't be that bad
  • me talking to people my age: well howdily doodily my fellow young people, what's hip hop happening over here? I'm just off to inject a meth and listen to an MTV if you youngsters are 'down' also haha look at that lingo, golly gosh what a time to be alive

a good way to get girls is by remembering that they are still people even though they are not men

"I hear some of you complaining “women always say they want a nice guy.” I know lots of women — I’m even related to a few — and I can’t say I’ve ever heard any of them say that. I can’t prove it, but this sounds like one of those things stand-up comedians say about women and everyone else just repeats. I’ve also never known a woman who cries when she breaks a nail — although I’ve known a few who swear like a 15-year-old sailor in jail — and I’ve never had a woman ask me if her outfit made her look fat unless she actually wanted and subsequently appreciated my opinion. So either I’ve stumbled upon a secret trove of women who aren’t passive-aggressive sob machines, or you need to stop mistaking Dane Cook routines for peer-reviewed sociological studies."


cute date idea: let me sleep in your bed for hours on end because I’m tired of being a person



"can men and women really ever be Just Friends?!?!/1/1?!??!?!”

no, but only because men are terrible and undeserving of the wonderful gift that is female friendship

Excuse me? I’m a guy with plenty female friends I just want to be friends with, and I completely value their friendship because they were by my side at my times of need, that’s what matters, not because they have nice tits or asses, because I respect them as human fucking beings with wonderful minds and souls. Not every man (and you’re damn right I’m using that argument) looks at a woman and initially thinks “I wonder if I could fuck her” and starts off the friendship there. Like seriously, it pisses me off enough that people judge others based on such stupid shit such as race or religion, but something really gets to me once the judgement is based on what genitals you have. I just hate being called terrible and undeserving because I have a dick, and you think that I don’t respect a person for being my friend because she’s a girl! And I especially don’t take my friendship with my female compatriots for granted, and I don’t treat them any different then my male friends. So yeah, fuck you asshat.

hey kiddos, gather round and take a good hard look at how this guy took my saying “female friendship is great and men aren’t worthy” to mean that “men don’t respect women and that is why they can’t be friends.”

kiddos, do we think that maybe this guy is overcompensating with that reaction? do we think that maybe he is jumping to YOU THINK MEN DON’T RESPECT WOMEN even though i never said that because he does not respect women? who knows!!!

anti-feminist bloggers have started doing this cool new satire thing in which they just replace verbs performed by men with “raped” (e.g. “he raped up to me oppressively” to mean “he walked up to me”) and they find it to be the height of satire and ?????? someone get these boys to a writing class stat because at that point it’s not even offensive as much as it’s just horribly misguided and useless



fyi ‘satire’ isn’t just ‘hyperbolic exaggeration of the same shit we usually see with a disclaimer that it’s different.’ There actually has to be, like, an element of condemnation in its thesis.

It’s not ironic if it actively celebrates what it’s condemning.

just wanted to put that out there



i’m so sick of well-spoken proper aliens who don’t use contractions and speak in careful measures and are infinitely polite and know the answers to everything, come on y’all where are the foul-mouthed aliens that use hella slang and wear the equivalent of backwards baseball caps and don’t know shit about their own planet let alone earth


Anonymous asked: i just got dumped after 3 years for another girl. Advice? :-((


get a huge 52oz soda from 7-11 they’re only 99¢ and nothing will make you feel more powerful for such a low price


“you don’t look depressed though”

oh yeah sorry i forgot to bring my literal dark cloud with me today